Geghard Cave Monastery in the mountains outside Yerevan, in Armenia - the most likely site of the attack of the tick
Painting on the wall of the 13th Century St Stefano's Chapel at the Norovank Monastery in the south of Armenia is not a tick - but looks the world like what was extracted from my testical. It is an insect known as a Vordan, which when dried becomes a vivid red paint for use in illustrating manuscripts
I arrived in London from Armenia this afternoon after an excellent flight on BMI International. Eddy meets me at Heathrow and after a machine-banging performance at the parking machine that ate his five-pound note, he whisks me home to Montrose Court.
On the way home, I mention the mysterious small black blood blister that looks like a tiny lady-beetle that I first noticed on my teste a couple of days ago. In true Swiss efficiency, Eddy has me standing by the window in the light and he standing with magnifying glass suggesting I drop my daks and bare the ‘crown jewels’ for closer inspection. (Talk about the ‘Odd Couple!’)
After Dr Eddy examines the Michael ball, he pronounces it to be a tick!
Off to the kitchen and he returns with a pool of olive oil on a paper towel; wraps and secures it to scrotum with rubber band, like a wonton wrapper; and then we sit down for a cup of tea and wait for the critter to suffocate.
On re-checking in a quarter of an hour later, my small dried blood blister ‘under’ the skin has developed kicking legs (which I photograph with my iPhone but will preserve you from that), but its head is still firmly attached into the scrotum sucking my blood. I know enough about ticks and Lyme disease to be concerned that the animal isn’t pumping deadly pathogens into me.
Off to YouTube looking for instructions for removal, but the required pointy tweezers Eddy doesn’t have. So next step is to call Mercedes, who sagely recommends going to a doctor because I have had the animal attached for 2-3 days.
We can’t budge a thick, colourless lady at the front desk at Eddy’s medical practice to let me see a doctor there, and we are re-directed to an NHS ‘Drop-in Centre’. By now, no time to return home for Eddy’s free bus pass so I grab a taxi, and off we hurtle to the NHS ‘Drop-in’ Centre in Victoria, right behind Windsor House where I worked for seven years!
We arrive to only a small waiting list and another front desk lady of more colour, who tells me to keep the story of my testes for the doctor.
A nurse greets me and takes me to an Indian doctor, who asks if I mind if the nurse looks on as he ‘operates’. What have I to hide approaching 70 next year? I observe the removal in prone position on the couch while the nurse squeals “I’ve never seen one like that before. It’s so big!”
Not knowing whether the Armenian variety of tick is a disease carrier, the doctor prescribes a course of antibiotic for two weeks. I shake his hand and leave without having to pay a penny. Off to Boots the Chemist, and I’m fixed up with my medicine in minutes, and leave without having to pay a penny.
A great big tick for the British NHS!
By now a delightful London twilight, so Eddy and I walk home along the same route I walked for years to and from work; through Eaton Square and Belgravia, and on past the back of Harrods to Lennox Gardens and my old flat; before stopping for the ‘before 7.30pm’ Prix Fixe dinner at an old haunt on Brompton Road, the San Quentin Brasserie.
I wonder if my travelling companions need to check themselves? No problem for Pam and Ken, but I can’t quite envisage Edmundo’s expression with housekeeper Regina standing at the ready by the kitchen window with a magnifying glass in hand.
After ten days of shooting every stone capital, hewn image, and decorative cross stones on monasteries in Georgia and Armenia, I can't help myself on seeing a recent restoration at the V & A Museum here in London and reach for my camera
Mick, You have another winner of a story for the blog. It surpasses the slumming it tour of the other side of Istanbul.
Seriously, stop peeing in the bushes.
Luv Anne and Trev
Can you top this story of the month?……..Ann and Trev are off the mark it wasn’t peeing in the bushes. Mick, you are really something……”Oh so big” now a little modesty please…..
glad to hear you arrived in London safe. Bruder will have to take command from now on…..Poor Edmundo will be throwing out everything he had with him on the trip. Ticks or no ticks….. Jim
eeekkkk !!..I had this nasty experience a couple of times in Frankfurt !!! David
Oh Michael!
Michael, What a scream! Have enjoyed all your posts from Armenia. Glad it all ended well.
Mark and Jen
best story yet mick – i still want to see the photo (after appropriate cropping, of course)
“Glad we did not have to see the engorged tick!”
Mick,
Hope this finds you…my mother developed dimentia after being bitten by a tick!!!!!!!!
you look like you are having a great time..freezing here.
Paolo
Michael, I laughed so much the tears are still rolling down my cheeks. Your story brings to mind several funny tick stories (including a true one where I had to remove a tick lodged in the nether regions of one of my sixteen year old male students)! I hope all will be revealed in July. You are probably lucky it wasn’t a fruit fly nibbling away. Jennifer
Michael, I feel sorry for the tick, he thought he had found a wonderfully warm, nurturing environment with all that lovely blood and then Dr Eddy Frankenstein had to experiement on him!! I’m with Trev and Anne….find a loo next time and leave the bushes alone!
Michael I really really was in stitches , I loved your tale of 2 ticks , but you extracted only one and may I say very well fed , would you know , where you picked this very hungry visitor who was well protected by , I guess a pillar hence the cry of the nurse “””it is a big one “””” .
Prepare yourself when returning to Sydney for a very coled winter Big big hug , you deserve it and I salute your very valued friend Edmondo Maro
Mes freres
A Tale of Two Ticks …
Quite frankly I gave up when it got to the bit with Eddy, the rubber band, olive oil and paper towel (call me old-fashioned ..)
DM
I suppose a not too friendly South African ‘friend of friends’ whom I was to have dinner with has the right to think and write what he likes . . .
Ticks the box !
I can see it all unfolding…..very funny. LOL
Hahaha Great Story! Was the nurse talking about the tick? Jay
I was tickled by your tale Uncle Michael !!oxox
Michael, That story really tickled my fancy. I laughed so much. Wonderful word pictures.
Love
Jenny
Egads… small creatures having a ball… dear michael, only you would tell the tale. Tally ho!
The Tale of the Ticks was hysterical for readers and knowing you, you were “writing” it as it happened!
And to think that tomorrow I will have to keep a straight face when I see you in the Cathedral of Santiago and REMEMBER this!!! Lol crazily, can’t wait to read your Complete Works!
Pablo